One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
