some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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