I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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