she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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