I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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