I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
