i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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