I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
