I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
