the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
