i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about my life...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize