mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
