but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
