If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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