im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
