i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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