I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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