I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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