The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
