Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
