he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
