adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
