She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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