I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
