I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
