quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
