A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize