OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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