She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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