Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
