a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
