Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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