census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
