It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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