I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
