the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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