So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
