Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
