u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So. Much. Porn.
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