You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
