Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
