There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you never un-have a 4some
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
