i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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