WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
