You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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