It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
