I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
