Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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