Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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