this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Two words: blizzard sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
