I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
