I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
