Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
