forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
