I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
