My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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