he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
