so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
