why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
