Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
