i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
