Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
