i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we should paint friendship bongs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
