My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
