I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize