he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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