I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize