I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
