I cannot find my penis.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
